Goodbye to Sandra Dee

As anyone with a beating heart knows, Hurricane Sandy has just wreaked havoc on the East Coast.  It has been a long, stressful week. We all listened to the predictions and endless requests from the media and government to be prepared. Speaking on behalf of many, we were unsure as to whether this was an opportunity to boost ratings or a plea for our safety. I choose to believe the latter.

The storm was due to hit on Monday late in the evening but the forecast called for rain late Sunday and into Monday.  On Sunday, I went to Shenandoah National Park for the day in Virginia. I wanted to take the opportunity to enjoy the leaves in all their glory before the chance passed me by.

When we entered the park, we were told that at mile 17, it would get foggy and asked if we still wanted to proceed up the mountain.  We had just driven for over 3 hours to do just that so naturally the answer was yes.  It was cloudy but the views as we drove up the mountain were nothing short of amazing.

At mile 21, the fog rolled in.  It looked like we were in Heaven. However, since we didn't want to actually end up in Heaven, and the road was quickly  disappearing before our eyes, we decided to turn around.  We knew the storm was coming and wanted to make it home while we knew we had enough time. One the way home, we stopped at Luray Caverns. I am not a fan of being " underground" but it was worth it to see  the incredible formations created by nature..

On our way home, we stopped at a gas station ( and of course a Waffle House). A lady in the gas station mentioned that the electric company called and told her to be prepared to be out of power for 7-10 days. It was at this point, that I was glad to have taken the proper precautions (with the help of others).   Getting closer to home on the PA turnpike, we saw a caravan of emergency rescue ambulances.  There was about 10-12 of them with their lights flashing.   I looked at the license plates to see where they were coming from , knowing that they were coming to help us with the approaching hurricane. While I couldn't see a few of the plates, because it had started to rain and was dark, I did see several of them. Each one was from a different state. No two plates were the same. How they ended up in a caravan is beyond me but it was touching to see.

 Sandy came in much faster than anticipated. The night sky lit up  in colors of orange and green as transformers blew from every angle. The wind howled like a pack of thousands of wolves in search of a full moon. It was frightening and fascinating.  Luckily, my house was unscathed. I lost my shed and a few roof shingles, which in light of others misfortune is nothing.  Most of the area was (and still is) without power and most businesses are still closed.  Driving around I have seen trees ripped at the roots resting on homes or in the streets.


The Jersey Shore (as well as New York) that many of us call a second home has been destroyed. The pictures are devastating and my heart goes out to each and every one who has been affected by this.  There are thousands of Emergency Personnel and Military out there assisting in the recovery.  For this, we are beyond grateful.  Hug your loved ones. When all is said and done, you never know what tomorrow will bring. Don't take it for granted.

Mexico, Miller and Maggots

It's been awhile but it's time to wrap up the month of May. May started  in beautiful Riviera Maya. Great trip, gorgeous resort, lots of cheese, drinks, good company and a hammock (that I tripped over and got stuck in) on the balcony. They treat you like royalty. It's amazing. Although at one point, I felt like they were being too nice.  Is that weird?  They just treated you so well and were there at every turn to see if you needed anything (mostly drinks:) I would be a terrible rich person. Well, no I wouldn't because I can do things for myself, I don't need to be catered too. I would like to have someone bring me drink though. I tried counting how many times I said Hola but that didn't work out so hot because I forgot half the time what my count was. I said it alot. Can't wait to say it again.

Let's see what else happened. I flushed my new Droid down the automatic toilet at work and had to overcome my fear of the devil (aka rice). Rice is no longer my enemy, because after a day and a half of leaving my phone in a bag of rice, it as good as new. So there IS a purpose for rice. I will never eat it but I do love it!


Speaking of rice, I had a disgusting encounter with maggots.  I went to put the trash out and picked up one of the bags and there were maggots in the can.  I ,VERY calmly , went over to my sister to tell her. Let's go back a bit,  I hate rice because the texture is gross and it reminds me of maggots and maggots are just disgusting. It's a weird fear I have had  forever.  I am a very clean person, and take good care of my house and property so to see this freaked me out.  My sister (bless her little sloppy soul) did clean out the can and do all the dirty work because I was too busy trying to maintain my composure (from very far away). I have no idea how they got there.  The bag of trash was only out there for a day.  It did rain.. I have no idea if maggots,rain and trash go together .  There was however, a trash bag that had empty Miller Lite cans in there. I have NO idea where it came from, I do not drink Miller Lite so I didn't put it there but it was there. Maybe maggots like beer?  Anyway,  I wish this trauma on NO ONE. It digusted me, we both took a shower after and I felt like I had maggots crawling on me for two days.  Poor everyone around me because if you thought I was anal before, that was nothing. It won't be pretty. There will NEVER be another maggot anywhere to be seen. EVER. That is just gross and dirty and I don't want to talk about that anymore.

So that's about all that was either exciting or tramatizing this month. I only burned myself ONCE in the kitchen.  Progress, people, progress. May was a month of Mexico, Miller Lite and maggots.

I didn't think I was crazy until I wrote this.

I am leaving for Mexico in 13 days. I am not prepared. I need to pull out the summer clothes and see what fits. Everything SHOULD fit but we will see. I need to buy a few things.  I need to figure out what the guidelines are for planes now. I think any liquids over 3 ozs. can be checked with luggage ( I know it has to be 3 ozs. or less for a carry on... I think??). I'll just be safe and put it in my checked bags because then I don't have to worry about it.

I have read things before about the random checks at the airport.   I have a fear of being the one they decide to strip down in front of the whole airport to my skivvies. I know they don't do that but it's quite possible that it could be the new rule that starts the morning my flight leaves because that's the way things work for me. Good thing I bought new underwear. .

I also am worried about the plane. I am claustrophobic (always have been). When I was little, I went to go see Michael Jackson and JFK. It was an outside concert and I was with a few family members. A thunderstorm started while we were waiting in line and they shoved (what felt like) 5 billion people in inside area.  We were shoved like sardines . I was about 10. I puked.  Gross BUT it did clear the way so I could breathe.  They brought me a Stroehman's empty bread bag to breath into.  I puked again. Never give 10 years old who is puking a bag that smells like stale bread to breath into. The concert was cancelled and on the way to the parking lot, I heard them say that they weren't bringing me back.  I was very sad :(. I also get car sick.  Never used to but if I am in the back seat of a car, I am nauseous.  A few weeks ago, I was in the back seat and I was sweating and my stomach was all over the place.  I felt like I did 6 shots of tequila.  I didn't.

Anyway, I haven't flown in about 5 years.  Every time I do fly, I get a little antsy about it.  Being claustrophobic and stuck in the air in a plane will do that. Window seats always made me feel like I can breathe better. However , I seemed to have developed a fear of heights in my older age.  I will still GET on rides but I about shit my pants right before. I don't like that.  I don't want to give into it and not go on rides anymore so I still do..  This all sounds much worse than it is.  I am not a freak.  Well, I may tell a different story once I am back from Mexico or if you see me on the news as the woman who was on a flight to Mexico screaming and rocking the corner and end up stuck in Mexico forever because I am banned from flying on any airline ever again.  In which case, you are welcome to come visit me in my "facility" here that accommodates car sick, claustrophobic, acrophobic folks.

I think I will go call the doctor.  I see Xanax in my future.

Ole!

In six weeks, I am going to Mexico.  I don't really think that I realize that I am going. I did get my passport in the mail last week. The government has a GREAT website that let's you track the progress of your passport application so that you know it's progress.  I checked on it about 4 times.  The last time I checked, it said it was being " processed".  I came home an hour later and it was in my mailbox. Therefore I have concluded, that if you need a passport, you can drop your application in my mailbox because that's where it is processed. Include a check made payable to me. 

Anyway, a discussion was had about visiting Chichen Itza.  I got all excited thinking it was a Mexican chicken retreat. Chickens who lay beans maybe?  No, it's apparently one of the new Wonders of the World. Even better.  It looks like an awesome place to see. I am excited to check it out.

Part of the plan may also be swimming with dolphins, which would be so cool.  I want a dolphin. My plan is to bring it home, build a big ass pool and name it Suzy. She can be friends with my future hippo Molly.


I guess I should start preparing a little. I love going through my clothes to see what fits, what doesn't , what should, what shouldn't.  it's very uplifting.......

Adios for now!

Bieber Fever? or just hungry????

The other day I had a conversation about Justin Bieber, actually I had a few conversations about him. When he started out, I thought he seemed like a little punk. Over the last year or so I have seen what a good kid he really seems to be. If you ever turn the T.V  I am sure you have heard about it the good things he does. He really loves his fans and knows that without them he is nothing.  He's just a good kid.  Well the good kid turned 18 now so it's ok for me to say that he is cutie.  I couldn't decide if I was a perv or not for thinking he was cute.  He  has that " boyish" charm so I 'm not all like OMG he is so HOT.  I just think he's cute. I heard on the radio the other day that he made a comment that he saw all the comments he got from " the cougars". I felt instantly better.

I also watched the news on the same day of my conversations about Justin.  They were talking about a high school in New Jersey  that is trying to raise the money to remain open ( I know there are several of those around here right now).

 Last night I realized that I missed American Idol.. I never do that.. but I did. I also knew that  Mary J.Blige was the mentor. I wanted to see that.

My dryer is not working properly and we went to the laundromat the other day to do a few loads to "tide" us over. Get it?  " Tide"?  anyway, it was a Sunday and there was no time to get it looked out and I was almost out of clean clothes.  I had on a very comfy but very worn sweatshirt on. I had not yet showered. I made sure I wore a coat because the sweatshirt had holes in it and I looked like no one loved me.

I am also trying to be on a diet. It sucks.  I was hungry last night when I went to bed. It was late. I really wanted cheese but I did not eat.

This will all make sense in a minute.

I have now already given you the reasons for the following dream I had last night:

I met Justin Beiber. He was drinking a soda and we were talking about T.V. halfway through the conversation, I realized that I had on my holey sweatshirt. But Justin didn't care, he just kept on talking and we decided that we were going to have dinner that night, just as friends (fan lover). Then he disappeared.   I went to look for him and I walked outside to a big football field. There were thousands of people everywhere.

Jennifer Lopez was in the middle of the field singing with lights and all her dancers. Mary J. Blige and Justin were due to perform after (which is obviously why he was there in the first place).  I was mad because I couldn't find him and I was hungry (diet).

I asked someone what was going on.  They told me that they were all performing to help raise money to save two schools. That's all I remember.


So you can't tell me that dreams don't make sense. It was a stupid dream but it took alot of my thoughts and ran them all together.

I am guessing we never made it to dinner because I was very hungry when I woke up.

My thoughts today were mostly about being excited to lay in bed tonight since I air dried my sheets (along with several other loads of wash because the dryer isn't fixed yet). I ran around all day and didn't stop so I kept thinking about my fresh smelling sheets.  I am guessing I may dream of being eaten alive by a gigantic sheet of fabric softener. Yes I need a life.


Your thoughts on the Bieb?

Honesty is NOT always the best policy

Honesty is the best policy...so they say. It's true if it's necessary or done with good intentions. However, sometimes you need to just keep your big "fat" mouth shut and mind your business.

 A friend of mine from work and I sometimes drive into work together. I pass his house on my way to work and sometimes pick him up on the way. There is a gas station right by work that we stop by frequently either because I need cigarettes or he needs whatever he may need.  If he is the one running in , the man who works there talks his ear off, compliments him and smiles alot. We can't decide if he likes him or is just being friendly.  It's cute (at least I think so.. well thought so). He talks to me sometimes but he is difficult to understand because he has a very heavy accent so I try to follow along and other times he seems to be half asleep ( it is about 6:45 a.m when we go there).

Anyway, I went in a few weeks ago and he asked me where I work. Now, many of us from there stop there in the morning because it's on the way and it's open early so many people know him and have discussed where we work.  Alot of have also run into each other in there in the morning and he knows we all know each other. So I tell him where I work (which is 2 seconds away) and he looks at me like I just spoke to him in Russian. So I say " it's a weight loss company".  So he looks at me and points and says " well you don't eat the food.". Really???? Really?  It's 6:45 a.m, I haven't had my coffee yet and you so just called me fat.  I know I need to lose 20 ( really 25) lbs  BUT is it really necessary to do that? I know the look on my face surprised him.  He looked at me like "what???" Then he tried to play it off by asking questions about the company. Dude, this fat girl needs to get to work so this conversation is over.

Now it used to be that if anyone ever said anything insulting I wouldn't want to tell anyone because it's embarrassing but now that I am older... it is what it is. I couldn't wait to get in the car and tell him what he just said. I get in the car and he asks me if I am trying to steal his man.  I said No and told him what he just said to me. His response "What an asshole." Umm yea.

I don't judge people. They are what they are. Most people are NOT a perfect weight and while some may not say it out loud, people are very aware of their flaws. It's not my place to tell you what is wrong with you. Quite frankly, I don't even see it as there is something wrong with you. You are who you are. I can't stand people who think they are perfect .. or strive to be. Most of those are the most insecure anyway.

Point is.... the truth hurts however you still suck Mr. Gas Station man.

My Happy Dork News!!!

I created my blog in 2009.  I didn't really keep up with posting too often.  I am still not as good about it as I want to be.

Some of my blogs are funny, some are SUPPOSED to be funny but aren't and some aren't supposed to be funny at all. I write whatever comes to mind when I open the blank page. My intention with this blog was (and still is) to make you laugh (or sometimes cry).

You have read about Stranger Cat, my clumsiness, my stupidity, my thoughts and my poop. Who doesn't love a good story about poop???

I wasn't too sure that people were reading when I started writing and it took me awhile to figure out how to even find that information out.  Now that I have it all figured out, they seem to have changed it all around on me.  But because not many people comment (at least not on the blog itself) I just figured I was talking to myself. That is not any different than normal because I do spend a lot of time talking to myself.  I also talk to Tommy all the time and half the time he isn't even here. Don't ask.

I have been told, on several occasions, that you don't comment because you have to sign in.  I PROMISE you that if you log in to comment , you will NOT die.  Your head will NOT spin and you will  NOT start to speak in demonic voices. If this does happen, take a video and I will gladly post it here for all to see!

During the last year, I have been more consistent (sometimes) with my posting.  It's been over the past year that most of my blogs have been written. They have also apparently been read.  Yesterday, I hit 10,000 views to my page. 10,000! May not sound like alot to those have a large following but for me, it's awesome. Why?  Because I ROCK! and YOU ROCK TOO!

So comment, share my link , pass what you want along and help me keep this going!  Thank you for reading and I promise to continue being stupid!!!!