Boo

Let's talk about Halloween.  I have been in my house for 8 years and every year I follow the same routine for Halloween. My cousin (who now has a little girl.. cutest thing ever so she won't be there..waa) and my mom come over (she doesn't get any kids) and we sit on the front porch and hand out candy.  I get a good amount of kids. The past 2 years I have gotten less kids than years before.  I always wondered where they all come from because my neighborhood is mostly old people. However, last week I was driving into my neighborhood and had to stop for the school bus in front of me. I was shocked.  There were at least 20 kids that got off at that stop. I see a few kids here and there when I walk or ride my bike but had no idea that there were as many kids as there were that piled out of that bus. I also think that the kids from the apartments about a half mile away come up this way as well. But there is always a pattern as I am sure there is in most neighborhoods.

Now you need to know that when they walk down the sidewalk, each of our houses have a few steps up and there is a sidewalk (path) up to my house.  There are another 4 steps that lead up to my door.  We sit on those steps so the kids don't have to climb up those too. The front yard is a tiny little " hill, The lawn isn't completely flat.

Here is the way the conversations go. First is the real conversation, then the conversation (or thoughts in my head) after they walk way.

Children 4 and under:

Me: " How cute are you??? Take what you want. Happy Halloween! Be careful going down the steps."
After:" Aw how cute was she/he?"

Children 5-8:
Me: : Who are you supposed to be?  You look great! Take what you want. Happy Halloween! Be careful going down the steps."
After: " Isn't that age fun? You get so much candy and can trade with your friends."

Children 9-13:
Me: " Hello there (insert name of apparent video game character here). You can take 2! Happy Halloween. Be careful going down"
After:  "Now why do they ignore the path they just walked up and walk down on the grass ? And why do I have to tell them to take 2 ?  Because the last group took 5 each and I am going to run out of candy. They are lucky they are still kind of cute."

Children 14-17:
Me: " Happy Halloween"
After: " Ya know they could at least speak. They walk up here with no costume on, with a little fake blood on their face pretending to be something asking for candy. Aren't they too old for this?? I am turning out the light."

A Trip To The Dollar Store Can Be Priceless

I went into the dollar store last week to pick up a few little things.  The dollar store by my house is awesome. They have a wall of gift bags to die for. Anyway, apparently it was National " It is 3:40 on a Tuesday so everyone in a 5 miles radius go at the same time " Day.  It was packed.  I was looking around wondering why it was so crowded .  I was looking for sale signs thinking there was a big sale then I realized that I was in the dollar store.  Nothing is more than a dollar to begin with.  I have no idea why the whole world was there but they were.  I only had two things in my hand and got to the line.  I was about to put my stuff back because there was only one cashier and the line was stupid long. Then I decided that I really have nowhere to be and that I would wait.

I have no patience.  I HATE shopping and I hate standing in line even more. Because I always always always get in the wrong line.  The person ahead of me needs a price check or has 4,000 coupons and needs to make sure that each one goes through and questions every beep on the register. Never fails.  Being as there was only ONE register open, I couldn't be in the "wrong" line anyway. 

So I am watching all the people in front of me (because there wasn't anything else to do) and observing what they were buying. Mostly all the normal stuff that people buy in a dollar store.  One girl who looked about 16 bought like 15 things of hand soap and pulled out this huge WAD of money then decided to use a credit (maybe a debit) card. OK you are a child, you are in the dollar store and you have a wad of money in your hand. Just use the cash. It took her 5 minutes to pull the card out of her back pocket because her jeans were glued to her ass. I am guessing she's a hooker.  Why else would you buy 15 things of hand soap with a wad of money in your hand?  She was being a show off. Who isn't a show off in the dollar store?? Anyway, then there was the man who bought 5 things of some meaty thing and toilet paper.  Looked like lebanon bologna but I don't think that's what it was . Gross. I have nothing against the dollar store but I find that a package of like 10 pieces of meat that is a dollar would have bad results.  I guess that's why he had the toilet paper.

As I get closer to the end of my 5 hour wait ( it was really about 5 minutes )  I focus on the conversation being had behind me by a boy and a girl..I hadn't yet seen them at this point but they were about 15. This is what I hear:

Boy: "See that thing?" (referring to the pregnancy tests hanging there)
Girl: " Yea?"
Boy: " Whatsherface (I forget the name he said) took one of them that she bought here."
Girl: " OMG no way"
Boy: : "Yea (slight giggle) it came out positive . They don't work." ( at which point I casually turned my head to look.)
Girl:" So she's not pregnant???"
Boy: " No she didn't even have sex but it came back positive"
Girl: " Oh wow... I really want an energy drink".

Ok so Whatsherface went into the dollar store and bought a pregnancy test .  I get that maybe buying one there may NOT be the most reliable way to go BUT do neither of you wonder WHY she is buying a pregnancy test if she hasn't had sex?

I kept my mouth shut because it was now my turn at the register.  They will figure it out once they have their energy drinks.

It Ain't Easy Being Green

I am NOT a fan of frogs or turtles. My nephew keeps saying he wants a turtle. I'm scared. My reasons are as follows:

Frogs: are slimy. Many years ago when I was in grade school my older sister ( who was in high school) came home with a "present" for me. It was wrapped in a paper towel. I was standing in my parent's bedroom ( no carpet.. hardwood floor). She gave it to me all proud that she had a gift. I hesitated ( because it was wrapped in a paper towel). She told me to open it. I did. I had no idea what it was . She told me to smell it. I picked it up and slowly attempted to smell it at which point I knew something wasn't right. Then she tells me they dissected a frog at school and it was one of it's legs. I screamed at the top of my lungs , dropped it, turned green and started to run. I had on socks and slid all over the floor. I ran, still screaming into my bedroom, slammed the door and screamed some more. She was standing outside the door laughing her ass off . I knew that thing was still with her so I didn't open the door for many hours. I don't remember but I hope she got in trouble. She still thinks it's funny.

Turtles: I was babysitting my cousins one day. I was probably not much older than from the story above. My cousin found a turtle in the back yard and ran over to show me. I backed up a little because I wasn't sure what he had and didn't want to touch it. Naturally, he took that as an opportunity to freak me out. He must have chased me around the outside of the house 10 times laughing his little head off before I finally got inside. I wouldn't let him come in until I knew that the turtle was left outside.

These traumatic experiences have created a strong dislike for these creatures. If a turtle enters this house, I am going to have to set some rules or get a restraining order that forbids the turtle to come within 50 feet of me.


Check it out to the top right! We got groupons. Check them out here daily!

It's a bumpy ride.....

When I was younger, I loved amusement park rides. I couldn't wait to get on the ride and as soon as I got off I wanted to get on again. Especially roller coasters. No ride was off limits. As I started to get a little older the only thing that scared me was the ferris wheel. I stopped riding them. They rock all over the place and there really isn't much keeping you inside. Lately, you hear about a lot of accidents and a lot tend to involve ferris wheels. Never again will I get on one. My palms are getting sweaty just thinking about it.

All other rides were still fine and I enjoyed going on them. There was a period of several years that I wasn't on any rides. Simply because most 30ish year olds don't call each other and say hey let's go to Great Adventure. Then the kids started arriving. As they started to get a little older , they could go on rides. The rides were the little trains, cars and animal shaped rides that went about 1 mph. It was fun to watch them on there so happy and I looked forward to the day when they reached the "line" and could go on big people rides.

Then it happened. A few years ago my family went to Disney World. I had two objectives. First was to get on as many rides as I could because I hadn't done it in years and second was to eat Mickey Bars ( I never ate them).

So we are in Disney with three kids. I have been there many times but not in the previous 4-5 years and never with the kids ( not my kids , my nephews and niece). They are old and tall enough for the "medium" rides but not tall enough for most of the bigger rides. A little disappointed but at least I get on some rides. The adults would also get a chance to get on some big rides as well.

So we get in line for Thunder Mountain. Ya know, just a regular coaster but nothing crazy. So we are all in the car and I start freaking out ( internally of course). Are the kids strapped in ok?? I am worried that they are going to fall out. The whole ride I have my arm wrapped across my niece because my arm will act as steel and keep her in place on a coaster going many mph should there be a malfunction. I hated every second of that ride. Then we got on it again. The second time was worse because now we have doubled out chances of death. This went on for a week on every ride.

The adults went to Aerosmith's Rockin Roller Coaster. I was scared to death. Normally when you are waiting in line, you are anxious to get there. The line couldn't have been long enough. Of course I am not going to say anything because then I look crazy. But I think I peed a little. Most people scream on rides because they are having fun and excited. I was screaming because I was experiencing my last moments on earth over and over again. I continued to go on them in hopes that I was just not used to doing it for awhile and that just one time I would get on a ride and not be scared. I just didn't know that that ride would be It's a Small World. I conquered that bitch without a problem.

Weird thing it that when I got off the rides, I was ok. I wasn't so terrified about getting on another one until the next one came along.

Last weekend, I was in Ocean City for the MS City to Shore ride. I did the ride on Saturday ( with my sister and brother in law and the other members of our team). On Sunday, the boys went to the ocean and we took my niece to the boards because she wanted to go on some rides. Didn't really think twice about it because I has no idea that I would be the one volunteered to go on them with her.

I handled it amazingly. First we went on the Pirate Ship. It was a chilly weekend and it wasn't crowded...at all. We were the only one on the ship. Of course she wanted to sit in the very back. This ride tickles my cooch like nobody's business... well I guess I just made it your business. I was only slightly paranoid that she would fall out.. I checked the bar 10 times then I was ok. We went on a coaster and few other rides . None of which were anything scary. I think if I still with boardwalk rides and avoid amusement parks, I will be able to continue to ride.

I fear I may become the one sitting in the bench all the time, bored and waiting for everyone to get off the ride. I am not ready for that. But if that does happen and I am in Disney, I will be sitting on that bench with a Mickey bar.

It ain't easy being me.

Eat More Chicken

Everyone always says how kids today look so much younger than years ago. I do agree that for the most part it's true. A lot of girls look about 10 years older than they are. They dress older, wear more makeup and just seem to grow up too fast. Boys are 9 feet tall and built much more "healthy" than was I was young. I remember all the boys being lanky at that age. Rumor has it that it is the hormones in chicken these days making the boobies and facial hair grow at an early age. When I was younger , I must have been the only one to eat chicken with hormones in it. By the time we had our movie on a girl's menstrual cycle and how it works in grade school I had already had mine for like a year. Everyone giggled and was grossed out. I was bored and already over it.

The point is that this isn't always the case. I pulled into WaWa the other day. I had my mom with me and I waited in the car while she ran in. While I was waiting I noticed an SUV next to me with the music on. I looked over and saw this CHILD sitting in the driver's seat. He didn't look older that 12. It was ridiculous. So naturally I was staring like WTF?? I couldn't take my eyes off of him because I couldn't figure out if he was driving and just looked stupid young or if he hopped in the seat when his mommy went inside. Every once in awhile he looked over (because I was eye stalking him) and I would look away real quick. Then I saw it. He was smoking a cigarette. It looked every kind of wrong. He was holding it like it was a joint because he was cool like that. I just stared at him for what seemed like an hour before my mom came out. All the while knowing that I HATE when people stare at other people. It's one thing to glance but it's just rude to stare. I had no control over my eye stalking.

Then he drove away. There is either a child somewhere out there smoking and driving around in a silver SUV or there is a teenage boy out there that needs to start eating chicken.

Read with "Caution"

Since I have been training for The MS City to Ride shore this week ( link to the right) I have been noticing things that really get on my nerves. There are two different kinds of drivers. The first kind are those who are extremely cautious of walkers, runners ,bikers etc. The other is (obviously) those who will run you over if you are in the way.

Let's talk about the cautious ones. It's really nice that you are making sure you don't hit me while I am on my bike. I understand your consideration. If I ever fall off my bike, I can only hope that it's you that is driving past me because chances are pretty slim that you are going to run my head over. That being said, it is NOT necessary that you remain 20 feet behind me and follow me down the road. Pass me. I am right next to the curb therefore you have all the room on the road. When you ride behind me like that I feel like you are stalking me and I am waiting for you to ask me if I want any candy. I will probably say yes because I love candy (if you are a little kid..never answer a stranger like that and get off the internet you should not be reading this). But since no one has offered yet, just keeping driving. I am nowhere NEAR being in your way. You may be more likely to hit me when I fall because I am checking behind me every 5 seconds waiting for you to pass.


Now for the the inconsiderate ones. If you drive the way you are supposed to, you wouldn't have to worry about anyone else who may be exercising near you. If the lady that flew around the corner onto a tiny little street at about 70 mph is reading this, I was barely moving because I was being cautious. I am aware of the trees that may block a drivers view of me so I was waiting. Not only was I waiting, I was waiting to cross the street onto the sidewalk to avoid the issue that you almost created. So next time you give someone who is doing the RIGHT thing a dirty look or even better, next time you do that and run someone over because you thought you were in a episode of Knight Rider, I hope you shit your pants and your car smells like poop forever.

Now let's talk about people walking in parking lots. Ok I know that cars are supposed to yield to pedestrians. But come on. I was at Walmart the other day and I sat there and waited about 5 minutes before I could go because apparently they were giving away free samples of crack .The amount of people coming of out that store was ridiculous. No one even looks anymore. They just walk and figure the car will wait for them. You are SUPPOSED to watch for cars. They walk 5 people wide in the middle of a parking lot. When they DO finally notice that a car is beyond them they look surprised (of course they do it is very surprising to see a CAR in a parking lot). But they don't move. They just keep walking. People have no consideration.

After having said all this, I will reveal something that I did about 6 months ago. I was leaving a parking lot and me car was parked between two big trucks. As I walked to my car there wasn't a soul in site. I get in my car and start it (which obviously makes noise). Because I can't see too well with the trucks sticking out further than my car was I looked the best I could and very slowly started to back up (by very slowly I mean I was barely moving). First I hear it in my rear view mirror. Then I see it. What is IT you ask? It is the little Chinese lady that was walking past my car that I hit. Oops. Well I didn't really hit her she seemed to have walked into my car because I wasn't even out of the spot yet. I was just getting ready to turn the wheel. Now if I walking and heard a car start I would know that in about 10 seconds a car is going to pull out. She couldn't see me I know this because the trucks were blocking me but she had to hear me. Luckily, I was aware that I may not been seen and she just bounced a little.HAHA So I put down my window and say I am sorry and ask if she is ok but she just kept on walking like it didn't even phase her. Maybe she was deaf??? Ok then. So I start to back out again after getting over the initial shock that I just had a little bobblehead in my rear view. I knew she wasn't hurt because I wasn't really moving and she just shook it off and went on her way. However, her husband was standing at the car, which was about 200 feet away just looking at me. Dude, if she IS deaf you should be with her and if she isn't you should still be with her to help her with the bags.

So the moral of the story is be cautious but not overly cautious and try not to hit poor little Chinese ladies.

God Bless The U.S.A

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray to God for those who weep.


We sat and stared in morbid fear
We watched the Towers begin to sear.

Ten years have passed since that fateful day
When all the world knelt down to pray.


No day goes by that we forget
The souls of those we never met.


To our heroes who stand so proud and tall
Peace to all whose name grace each wall.


A moment of silence with no words to say
God Bless you all and the U.S.A.






-Erica Gordon