I'm a social drinker. I do not drink at home if I am alone. My mental picture of doing this ages me 50 years as sad and lonely with 4,000 cats and a bottle of whiskey hanging from my arm while I am laying on a recliner covered in fur). I find that depressing.
I drink when I am out. Period. I do not like the 'feeling ' of being drunk. Buzzed.. I can do .. drunk not so much. You know when you get to the point where if you take one more sip.. you will be dancing on the bar lifting your shirt because you suddenly believe that your muffin top is incredibly sexy. I avoid getting to that point. I have learned that there are different levels of "feeling good". Here is how I see the different levels of drinking.
The Yawner: The yawner is the one that didn't really want to go out in the first place. They do not drink. They are bored by the whole thing and just want to go home. The yawner is annoying. If the yawner is claiming that they came out because they didn't want to get shit for staying home.. guess what??? We would have rather you have done that than sit there and mope all night. You will not be missed next time around. Just sayin....
The Pretender: The pretender wants desperately to be cool. They don't really drink much by nature but want to fit in so bad that they pretend. They will get a real drink, make it a point to let you know exactly what they are drinking ( usually rum and coke) then order a soda and say that they are still drinking rum and coke. Here's the deal Pretender: once you have had 7 "rum and cokes" and haven't gotten all stupid- the gig is up. If you don't want to drink alot then good for you. But if drinking ain't your thing,why the hell do you want to hang around a bunch of drunk people? The pretender needs to seek counseling or try going to Starbucks.
The Handler: The handler knows what they are doing. They know how to have a good time and they know how much they can handle. The handler can sometimes drink all night without batting an eye or can have just a few and start to feel it. They can get a good buzz but know how to act. The handler is good to have around so they can pay attention to all of the others listed here. They are not only a good time but do not end up the topic of everyone's conversation the following day for making a complete ass of themselves. Downside to being a handler: they end up being responsible for all of the idiots they are with at the time.
The Sneaker: The sneaker is not a shoe that drinks. The sneaker is the one that everyone tends to dread hanging around because they end up carrying them out of the bar, picking them up off the floor or cleaning up their chunky puke. The sneaker pretends that they have it all under control. They say they are going to the bathroom and come back drunk. Not only are they drunk they pretend they are not. To the Sneaker: there is a word for sneaking away to take shots without no one seeing you so they don't think you are being excessive . The word is alcoholism. Seek help. There are plenty of places out there to help you..google it.
The Am Ex: you never leave home without the Am Ex. They are the ones that you always want with you when going out. They drink, usually to excess but lack the sneakers need to be constantly watched over. They are funny, a little loud and will always be sure that there are drinks on the bar. They are secure with drinking openly as they don't do it often and enjoy the chance to get away from the kids if even for just a few hours. The Am Ex is the life of the party.
The Zit: the last one is the Zit. Aptly named because you usually know they are coming, they tend to irritate you and you can't wait for them to go away. The Zit starts out fun. Then they drink to excess and become loud and annoying ESPECIALLY to the Yawner and the Handler. They do not know when to shut the hell up, can become extremely obnoxious and like to share their 'feelings' with anyone who will listen. The Zit tries to get everyone to drink, whether they want to or not and do not know when stop. The Zit thinks they are making friends with everyone and has no idea that everyone in the bar is talking about them. Many people want to 'pop' the Zit throughout the night. Do not confuse the Zit with the Am Ex. There is no gray area between the two.
Which one are you?
The Handler hahaha
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