I am reposting this from 2 years ago because I think it's funny and nobody was reading back then.
Several years ago, my boyfriend at the time,Bob and I went to Hershey Park for the 4th of July. We stayed at the Hershey Hotel and spent the weekend there.
Saturday afternoon, we went to Hershey's Garden. It was full of vibrant flowers and trees and had an incredible Butterfly house that my mother would adore. After walking around the garden we went to the gift shop. We parted ways and were looking around. I stopped at one of those revolving racks that you spin around. It contained postcards. I picked up a few and proceeded on my quest for items I had absolutely no use for.
A few minutes later, I feel something snag on my jacket ( it was July but it was damp and I am always cold). I turned my head just a little and saw the revolving rack I was just at a few minutes before. I stopped dead in my tracks. I could feel it moving so I reached back and grabbed it with my hand. The moving stopped. I am standing there, completely still with my hand on the 'rack' knowing that if I made the slightest move that thing was going down.
Bob comes over looks at me and says ' WHAT ARE YOU DOING'? I laughed, and said "Help it's going to fall over if I move- unsnag me." He looks , laughs, shakes his head and says ' Erica look behind you and let go'. I turn around and I am not holding onto the rack, I am holding onto a small child (one who never said a word that a stranger had a death grip on him!). He must have thought I was his mother and came up and tugged on my jacket and I just grabbed ( obviously unaware of what the hell I was doing.)
His mother comes up at that point and looks at me ( we are pretty much pissing ourselves at this point and my face was a ridiculous shade of red). I simply say "I'm so sorry I thought he was a rack" , dropped my stuff and out the door we went.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Somebody farted!
Farts are funny. I have no idea why but they are . Everyone farts and those who say they don't are lying. When you hear someone fart it is almost always funny...until it starts to smell.
I sat down to write something and wasn't sure what to write. My nephew came in the room to get a movie and I heard a little poof. I said " Was that a fart?" he said "Yep!" I laughed and here we are. He used to run over to me and say "I have a present for you!" then sit on me and fart. It was funny. He isn't so little anymore.. that phase has 'passed'.
I looked up the definition to see what it really means. My definition is' smelly air'. The real definition is 'a flatus expelled by the anus'. See even the definition is funny.
I remember being a little kid and going to Friendly's with my mom and my aunt. We were in a booth with 'leatherish' hard seats. I farted.. the whole place heard it because we all know if you fart on a hard chair it echoes all the way to Alaska. I laughed and laughed and laughed (and just laughed again remembering it). I also embarrassed the hell out of them. That's what kids are for!
There are rare times that farts are NOT funny. An example is as follows:
I went to a work dinner. It was for the winner of a big contest that was held and if I remember correctly the top 5 people ( along with a guest) took a limo to New York for dinner with some members of management. We went to dinner had a great time and then got in the limo to come home. As SOON as we left the restaurant I felt sick. Really sick. I started sweating and felt like complete hell. I was trying to downplay it because I knew I was going to be in the limo for about an hour and half withmanagement, co-workers and spouses who I had just met. It was late, everyone had been drinking and the noise in the limo was much quieter than it had been on the way there. I started coughing really hard. Did you ever cough really hard and fart? Well I did. Thank GOD that I was already flushed because I felt sick but I knew that my face was redder than a Irishman who forgot his sunblock. Everyone stopped talking and just looked at me... I ignored it. I swear those few minutes where everyone wanted so hard to laugh and were looking at each other like 'omg she sooo just farted' were the longest minutes of my life. I acted like it wasn't me. UMMMM when you cough fart .. people know. No one ever said anything to me but I know and I know they know. I just hope that they have forgotten. Doubt it... it's a fart story. Everyone remembers fart stories.
I woke up with a severe case of bronchitis and a very bruised ego.
I sat down to write something and wasn't sure what to write. My nephew came in the room to get a movie and I heard a little poof. I said " Was that a fart?" he said "Yep!" I laughed and here we are. He used to run over to me and say "I have a present for you!" then sit on me and fart. It was funny. He isn't so little anymore.. that phase has 'passed'.
I looked up the definition to see what it really means. My definition is' smelly air'. The real definition is 'a flatus expelled by the anus'. See even the definition is funny.
I remember being a little kid and going to Friendly's with my mom and my aunt. We were in a booth with 'leatherish' hard seats. I farted.. the whole place heard it because we all know if you fart on a hard chair it echoes all the way to Alaska. I laughed and laughed and laughed (and just laughed again remembering it). I also embarrassed the hell out of them. That's what kids are for!
There are rare times that farts are NOT funny. An example is as follows:
I went to a work dinner. It was for the winner of a big contest that was held and if I remember correctly the top 5 people ( along with a guest) took a limo to New York for dinner with some members of management. We went to dinner had a great time and then got in the limo to come home. As SOON as we left the restaurant I felt sick. Really sick. I started sweating and felt like complete hell. I was trying to downplay it because I knew I was going to be in the limo for about an hour and half withmanagement, co-workers and spouses who I had just met. It was late, everyone had been drinking and the noise in the limo was much quieter than it had been on the way there. I started coughing really hard. Did you ever cough really hard and fart? Well I did. Thank GOD that I was already flushed because I felt sick but I knew that my face was redder than a Irishman who forgot his sunblock. Everyone stopped talking and just looked at me... I ignored it. I swear those few minutes where everyone wanted so hard to laugh and were looking at each other like 'omg she sooo just farted' were the longest minutes of my life. I acted like it wasn't me. UMMMM when you cough fart .. people know. No one ever said anything to me but I know and I know they know. I just hope that they have forgotten. Doubt it... it's a fart story. Everyone remembers fart stories.
I woke up with a severe case of bronchitis and a very bruised ego.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Joy Ride
When I was 16, I could NOT wait to get my driver's license. I was born in July so all of my friends were older and had their licenses before me. When I got my permit, my father took me to school parking lots and side roads to teach me to drive. I remember ( very vividly) driving down a side street by my house and freaking out because I swore I was going to hit all of the cars parked on the street. My dad told me repeatedly that I was nowhere near them and I was fine. He was right but when you don't know how to drive you seem to think that a car that is 6 feet away is in danger of getting struck by a paranoid 16 year old who is a bit of a klutz.
Somewhere between 'fear of parked cars' and 'I hate my teenagehood because I am the only one of my friends who can't drive', I decided one day that I was a superhero. No one was home and my older sister's cool red Firebird was in the driveway and the keys were in the house. So what any teenage girl ( who never really got in any trouble or did anything bad..for real) would do would be to the grab the keys, put on my superhero cape ( not really) and go for a ride around the block. So still permitless and a parked car fearing girl, I got in the car and went for a ride. A ride around the block somehow led out to a main road. I did fine. Well, I did fine until I was making a left turn ( about 2 minutes from home) and a big , long guardrail jumped out into the middle of the road in a fierce rage and slammed into the car. I did what any superhero would do. I shit myself (again, not really but close) drove home and let out a HUGE sigh of relief that there was still no one home.
I started to pull in the driveway and I couldn't get the car to go in. Every time I tried the car was going on the grass. I couldn't figure out how to pull straight in. I can drive on main roads now, with MOVING cars ( which were much less scary than those parked ones), I can break free from evil demonic guardrails but I can not get the car in the damn driveway. I am now freaking out because I am soooo screwed. I called my friend, we will call her Chrissy ( because that's her name) and told her little ' licensed' self to get over to my house right away because I had an emergency. She lived about 10 minutes away by car so now I am sitting there worrying that I am still going to get caught because the car is NOT where it was left and guardrails' venom has left it's mark on the poor shiny red Firebird. She got there , she got the car in the driveway and no one EVER knew.
Somehow no one noticed right away and when my sister did notice she thought it happened somewhere else. No one would have ever thought I would have done it because I was a good girl :) What amazes me is that I didn't tell on myself. I was a good kid, not perfect but I wasn't out of control . I played by most of the rules. I got away with it!!!
I did tell them years later that I did it ...but I don't think the damage to the car was as bad as my memory thinks because while I got the "OMG you did?" it wasn't that big a deal and I haven't heard about it everyday of my life since then. Although, I never brought it up again either. It was fun being a superhero for a day.. but next time it will be for different reasons!
Somewhere between 'fear of parked cars' and 'I hate my teenagehood because I am the only one of my friends who can't drive', I decided one day that I was a superhero. No one was home and my older sister's cool red Firebird was in the driveway and the keys were in the house. So what any teenage girl ( who never really got in any trouble or did anything bad..for real) would do would be to the grab the keys, put on my superhero cape ( not really) and go for a ride around the block. So still permitless and a parked car fearing girl, I got in the car and went for a ride. A ride around the block somehow led out to a main road. I did fine. Well, I did fine until I was making a left turn ( about 2 minutes from home) and a big , long guardrail jumped out into the middle of the road in a fierce rage and slammed into the car. I did what any superhero would do. I shit myself (again, not really but close) drove home and let out a HUGE sigh of relief that there was still no one home.
I started to pull in the driveway and I couldn't get the car to go in. Every time I tried the car was going on the grass. I couldn't figure out how to pull straight in. I can drive on main roads now, with MOVING cars ( which were much less scary than those parked ones), I can break free from evil demonic guardrails but I can not get the car in the damn driveway. I am now freaking out because I am soooo screwed. I called my friend, we will call her Chrissy ( because that's her name) and told her little ' licensed' self to get over to my house right away because I had an emergency. She lived about 10 minutes away by car so now I am sitting there worrying that I am still going to get caught because the car is NOT where it was left and guardrails' venom has left it's mark on the poor shiny red Firebird. She got there , she got the car in the driveway and no one EVER knew.
Somehow no one noticed right away and when my sister did notice she thought it happened somewhere else. No one would have ever thought I would have done it because I was a good girl :) What amazes me is that I didn't tell on myself. I was a good kid, not perfect but I wasn't out of control . I played by most of the rules. I got away with it!!!
I did tell them years later that I did it ...but I don't think the damage to the car was as bad as my memory thinks because while I got the "OMG you did?" it wasn't that big a deal and I haven't heard about it everyday of my life since then. Although, I never brought it up again either. It was fun being a superhero for a day.. but next time it will be for different reasons!
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