Saturday, March 26, 2011

On the road to nowhere

I was in my car driving yesterday and I was stopped at a red light.  The light turned green and I went to go. HOWEVER, the car mat shifted and got stuck under the clutch ( yes I drive a stick, I am a REAL woman:). My car stalled.  I hit my start button and it started back up and I went to go.  This whole process took about 5 seconds. The rude "man " in the truck behind me honked impatiently.  I gave him the finger and continued on my way. 

 I assumed he would be riding my ass since he was in such a hurry and I looked in my rear view mirror.  He was about 7 car lengths behind me. He was driving about 20 miles per hour in a 45 mph zone.  So I guess he was in a hurry to go nowhere??? 

That's like people who pull out right in front of you when there are no cars behind you then drive 5 mph down the road.

I hate driving.

Friday, March 25, 2011

P. U. !

Suddenly over the past year or so I have had the nose of a bloodhound. I don't know why. I smoke so you would think that all of my senses would kind of suck. For the most part they do. But something happened to my nose and I smell everything from a mile away.. like it or not. Most of the time I don't like it because I think most things stink.

Last week sitting at my desk I kept smelling B.O. Someone smelled. Naturally, I would look all around me , bobbing my head up and down like a pigeon to make sure no one was looking and check the pits to make sure it wasn't me.   I knew it wasn't me as I had just showered an hour before but I still had to check. It wasn't me. But it smelled like it was since it was so close.  After 3 days of this, I realized  that it was my coffee.  I lovvveee the smell of coffee.. well I did. I have decided that after it sits a bit and cools off  it starts to smell like body odor. Now I am drinking less coffee but the idea of drinking something that smells like B. O is not so appealing to me.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Are your crazy or just a liar?

Statements people have actually said:

"My husband died a few months ago but let me check with him and I will get back to you".. Um ok.

"I made a million dollars last year." Ten minutes later .. " I don't take the turnpike, I have a problem with giving them a dollar." Oh yea  I understand.  That means you will only have $999,999.00 left!

" I only drink occasionally". Your belly tells a different story, you look 24 months pregnant.

" I don't drink". Do you think I didn't just see you drink 4 straight vodkas over the past hour?  I am sitting right across from you!!

" I used to be insecure but I am not anymore I just need to know where we stand" ( during a first date).

" I didn't text you 42 times in two hours. You texted yourself with my number".  Yes  I am actually an alien with cellular satellite powers.  You found me out.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Dazed and Confused

Have you ever had one of those days that you are just out of it?  You drive and forget to turn because you are lost in thought or go to look for something but once you get started you have no idea what you are looking for?    That has been me for 2 days now.

Yesterday  I woke up with the thought that I was going to use it as a day of rest.  This is my intention on many of my days off.  Problem is .. I can't do it.  I can't just sit around and be lazy when things need to be done.  It's called being an adult. You take care of what needs to be taken care of and THEN you rest or play or whatever you want to do.  Unless it's rainy out.  Then you sit, watch movies on Lifetime and eat cheese all day.

Anyway, I woke up and thought " I think I will take it easy today, my mind needs a rest". With that said, I got out of bed and took a shower right away. I then decided that I was going to go pay my electric bill.  Normally I do this right online but I had cash on me and rather than go to the bank, deposit it then go online to pay, I went to a local grocery store who accepts these payments.   I got to the counter and told the girl (who, by the way, looked like Drew Carey if he were a she) that I wanted to pay my electric bill.  She asked  me for the bill, which I didn't have. I know I need the bill to pay the bill but apparently I was having a stupid moment. So I left, I went home , got the bill and went back and paid it.

I then decided to go to a different grocery store to pick up a few things.  I have 3 different grocery stores I go to . One where I go if I have a full all out grocery store list and need to do a lot of shopping ( which is where I had just paid my bill). One for if  I just need certain things . It's a less expensive store , not one to get a lot of things in  but one that is really good for some things. The last grocery store is a 2 minute ride from my home.  I don't like the store but it's convenient if I need to pick something up on the way home.

Since I was already in the store where I do my full grocery shopping, I should have just picked up a few things.  But my OCD kicked in and I already had it in my head that I was going to go to the 'just for certain things' store. If I go against my OCD, I get OCD about being OCD so off to the certain thing store I went.

To keep costs low,  in order to get a cart you need a quarter. You put the quarter in, the chain releases, you take the cart, use it and when you return it you get the quarter back.  I guess the goal is to make sure people put the carts back so they don't have to pay an attendant or the carts don't hit cars  I don't know. You wouldn't think that a quarter would actually make people put their carts back but it does.  I have never seen a floater cart in the parking lot.  Anyway, I get there ,I park and I look in my purse for a quarter.  Pennies,  dimes, nickels,  a car wash token , a peppermint, receipts,, no quarter. So I turn the car back on, drive around the corner to my mom's. I didn't have my key and the door was locked.  I ring the bell.  She opens the door, I said  " Can I have a quarter and a glass of water?"  I was thirsty. All this taking 2 trips to get to one place is starting to parch me.

I get a quarter and some water and off I go ( she did mention that if I had just gone in the store they would have given me a quarter.. never thought of that-duh).  I shop. I go home . I decide to make chicken.  Not just any chicken but the best chicken EVER. Egg, flour , milk, bread crumbs and fry it all up. Time consuming because you cut it all in pieces before you make it but soooo YUM. So I spend the next 2 hours making chicken.  I also made turloaf ( my name for turkey meatloaf)  to freeze to have during the week.  I have NEVER done this planning ahead shit before so I'm not sure what I was thinking.  Chicken done, turloaf done. Now I decide I will make some cookies. I had just cleaned up the huge mess from the chicken and anyone who bakes knows it's a messy process but I decide to do it anyway. I am going to make sugar and chocolate chip cookies. Why not make an even bigger mess by  making two different batches.  Problem is I have only one stick of butter. So I now need to go to my final grocery store... the one I don't like but it's nice and close.  I know I only have a few dollars left in my purse (along with my newly obtained quarter) so I grab a $20, recheck to make sure I have everything else that I would need so I don't have to make yet another trip to the grocery store once I get back. I grabbed the $20 because I knew if I saw something else I needed I would have enough and not have to leave AGAIN to go home because it's not funny anymore.

So I get to the store and go to the very end of the store with the cold stuff to get butter. Across from the butter , I see the refrigerated ' just slice and bake cookies' and I get tempted . I get tempted because I am the suckiest cookie baker ever.  Cakes, brownies etc. I make all from scratch and they come out amazing. Cookies..forget it. Whether I spend an hour making them from scratch or buy the premade ones to put in the oven, I have never had a successful cookie. So why I even decided to make them is beyond me.  As I am looking at the just slice and bakers  I have a thought.  If I go to the other end of the store where the baking aisle is , I can get the bags of dry cookies mix that you just add butter and egg and oil or water too.  Good idea , less mess and I won't get annoyed when they turn out flat and inedible. So off to the other end of the store I go. I grab two different bags then realize I never got the butter. I go back to the other end of the store to get the butter ( all the while weaving in and out of aisles to avoid the taste tester lady with a table waiting for anyone to walk by and taste whatever she had on there) I don't like that table and that's another story for another time. I get my butter and get ready to head to the checkout. I pass the shampoo aisle and I remember that I need conditioner. I get conditioner then decide to make sure that I have enough money in case I see anything else on my way to the register.  I know I have a $20.00 I just don't know what else was already in my wallet.  I have $8.00 . Not $28.00...$8.00. Where did my $20 go?? I put all my stuff down and search my purse.. Nothing. I go out to my car thinking maybe it was in my hand and it's in the car. No $20.00. So I drive home.. AGAIN.  I put the $20 down on the counter when I rechecked to see if I needed anything else.   I go back to the store and all my stuff is right where I left it.  I pay and leave. I  spent an extra hour and a half wasting my time. If I just went to the original store I was in and bought what I needed and didn't decide I was going to Martha Stewart all day I would have some more time to spend the day relaxing as intended. I will say   I made my first NOT SUCK ASS cookies ever.  They were good!

Dancing with the Stars tonight.. woo hoo!!!